“if you could jump into any famous painting, what would it be? describe the experience.”

I chose Starry Night by Vincent Van Gogh.

My breath paints the cold night air as I climb the hill overlooking the town below. It tastes crisp and fresh, like the chill before a heavy snow. Everyone is getting ready to turn in for the evening; one by one the houses go dark. A lone church bell chimes as I reach the summit, then – silence. All is still. A faint breeze stirs the leaves on the trees and ruffles the tall grass around me as I sprawl out on the damp ground. Lying there, staring up into the heavens, I imagine a faceless man doing the same thing somewhere else in the world. Who is he? Is he pondering my existence as well? Does he know how often he appears in my thoughts?

I hear nothing but the breeze and the chirping of crickets. I take a deep breath. There is nothing else in the world right now but this. The sky above winks at me, encouraging me to swim amongst its stars. I slow my breathing until I’m nearly holding my breath, as if the slightest sound could shatter the delicate balance of the moment.

I lie there until the cold seeps through my clothes and begins to chill me from the inside out. Having had my fill, I slowly stand, brushing damp grass from my body. I turn my back on the people below and begin to walk. I will probably never return; it’s not in my nature. They offered what they could and I accepted with grace and humility, but now it’s time to move on. The stars keep me company as I wander out into the world alone, considering the many possibilities that now can be explored.

I am Catholic - and I support gay marriage.

Well, I’ve gotten several private messages, so I feel the need to make this clear: I am Catholic. My faith is a very big part of my life and very important to me. I am also a supporter of gay marriage. ”How is this possible?” several friends have asked me today. As a Catholic, I am well aware of the Church’s stance on homosexuality and gay marriage. To be honest, it has always been the biggest part of Catholicism that I have not felt comfortable with. I do understand what the Church says about it, and why she is against it. My own personal feelings aside, however, I believe that just because I am Catholic does not mean that I have the right to (or should at all) openly and vehemently deny others the same legal rights I have for myself.

I know that gay marriage goes against one of the fundamental principles of Catholicism. But I also know that not everyone is Catholic. And I believe that just because the Church doesn’t believe in it doesn’t mean that we as Catholics have a right to force our beliefs on others (especially those who don’t share our faith) and deny them legal rights that we ourselves enjoy.  (I want to take a moment to point out my use of the phrase “the Church doesn’t believe in gay marriage” - the reader ought to keep in mind that Church doctrine regards marriage as a sacrament, which has nothing to do with marriage as a legal contract.) To be perfectly blunt, I don’t feel it’s very Christian to say “Everyone deserves to be happy and loved, and to enjoy the same legal rights as a married couple - except those who don’t share my beliefs.” Does this make me a bad Catholic? I don’t know. Even if it does, it is one stance I will not waver on. Just because my faith doesn’t believe in gay marriage doesn’t mean that I believe it is a right that should be legally denied to those who want it. I am Catholic, yes, and I do not believe that my personal religious beliefs have any place in politics or law-making procedures. If others want to go against my religious beliefs, they can. This is America. They have a legal right to choose their own faith. I cannot stop them, nor do I feel I have a right to. Just as they don’t have a right to tell me to stop being Catholic because it goes against their moral code and/or beliefs, I don’t feel that I have a right to tell them they can’t marry the man or woman they love because of my relationship with God. 

I have had several people message me today and berate me for being unfaithful to the Catholic doctrine. And I suppose they are correct. In this manner, I am not adhering to the Catholic doctrine. But I also know that I am no longer the minority. A recent poll by the Public Religion Research Institute found that 59% of American Catholics support rights allowing gay and lesbian couples to marry. Another poll conducted by Quinnipiac University put the numbers at 54%. Am I saying that makes it “okay” within our faith to blatantly ignore the Church’s teachings? No. I’m not saying that. But I am pointing out that perhaps we as Catholics are beginning to recognize that our moral and religious beliefs may not have a place in government legislation. 

Some of you may be appalled that I have written what I have tonight. Some of you may be angry with me, and may view me differently from here on out. Some of you may call me a hypocrite, or a “lesser Catholic” or perhaps not even a Catholic at all. One rather strongly worded message I received today after I changed my profile picture to that of one representing marriage equality, accused me of being “fake” and told me I have no right attending church or representing a young Catholics’ group if my personal beliefs strayed so far from Catholic doctrine. I respect your opinions. I truly do. I mean that with no sarcasm. 

And I politely disagree. 

I am not perfect. I am not a perfect Catholic. I am not a perfect person. There have been times when I don’t believe I have even been a particularly *good* person. I don’t know anyone who can honestly say that they wholeheartedly believe they have been a good person, through and through, their entire life. And that’s okay. Because the Church teaches of forgiveness, and redemption. She teaches us of joy and rejoicing. She teaches us of love, and of charity. Et ex corde diligamus nos sincero. ”And may we love each other with a sincere heart.” How can we proclaim loudly the sin of others, ever? So someone you know lives in sin, according to your faith. What control do you have over it? In short, the way I see it is, who am I to tell others how to live?Personally, I would rather commit a sin out of love and support for my fellows than out of malice and hurtful words towards them.

I close with a hymn, particularly appropriate now that Holy Thursday is approaching. It speaks of love, of charity, of stopping evil impulses and allowing controversy to cease, and of allowing Christ our God to be in our midst. It speaks to me especially tonight, after such a hate-filled day full of hurtful words and intolerance for others.

I sincerely hope that you recognize this essay for what it is - simply my opinion. It may be wrong, it may be right, but it is mine nonetheless. As always, I wish nothing but happiness for all those I care about, including you.